I See You

In the name of Allah, the Owner of Love and Passion.

Okay, just a random title. Really. It has nothing to do with this entry.


This entry is about a pleasant dream I had last night. It was sad but sweet. About a love relationship between a man and his wife. Don't read this if you don't like romance. Cheers. :')

-----o-----

Your Beautiful Soul

He was right in front of the door that leads to his happiness. A brownish yellow envelope he held tightly to his chest. This cannot be true, he said to himself for God-knows how many times. He just could not bring himself past the very door. There was pain and solitude in his distant eyes.

Slowly, he closed his eyes as he breathed in quietly trying to take in all he just heard. The doctor's voice is as clear as his own heartbeats:


"I'm really sorry to have to tell you this: The result of your diagnosis indicates that there are five tumours around your left brain. That's why you have been suffering that tremendous headache you described to me. If only you came to hospital earlier . . ."

And he only had about a year or so to live. How was he supposed to tell that to the one whom he had promised to grow old with?

***

"Assalaamu'alaikum."


There was no answer.



He went in. No one at home. Lisa still in her office, he thought. It was nearly end of the year and she usually has loads of work to finish, with accounts and credits and what other things an accountant has to do which he found to be unimportant for an English lecturer like him to understand. But she loved her job and that is enough of a reason for him to let her work.


He looked around and found a note his wife left in the kitchen telling him that she would be home late tonight. There laid his favourite dishes for dinner on the dining table. Seems like she came back to cook during her lunchtime, he smiled.


After shower, he performed Isyak prayer and read the Holy Quran. Reading the Kalaamullah is always his best remedy whenever he is at his lowest - it cheers him up because it feels like the Almighty Himself is talking to him. Such peace, such tranquility. He knew no other peace like this except during prayers and when accompanied by the love of his life. He was so immersed in the reading of the Holy Scripture until he came to a verse that drew tears from his eyes. It says:

"To every people is a term appointed: When their term is reached, not an hour can they delay; nor (an hour) can they advance (it in anticipation)." 

[al-A'raaf, 7:34]

He stopped there. Images from the past filled his vision one after another: The loving faces of his late parents. The tenderness in Lisa's eyes and her beautiful smile on their wedding day - the day when they promised to one another that they will live their lives following the Prophet's tradition as best they could and to be honest to one another about anything and everything. Tears welled up in his eyes because he knew if the news had hurt him, it would her even more. Then how was he supposed to tell her?

And he fell to sleep without realising that the well-upped tears streamed down his cheeks and a few teardrops dripped onto the Scripture on his lap.

***

"Abang," a soft voice rubbed against his right ear. "Why sleep on the prayer mat? Have you taken your dinner yet?"

"Lisa, you're home." He glanced at where the tears had dropped onto the Quran before putting the scripture back to the high-shelves where it belongs. Then she neared his husband in her work attire and shook his hands and kissed them. She looked as pretty as always, he thought - her innocent eyes of patience that had seen through their ups and downs, her beautiful lips of wisdom that had given him advices and reminders when he needed them most.

"No, sayang. I was waiting for you."

"Abang, let's eat together."

For the first time in their five years of married life that the dining table felt this quiet and cold. They quarrelled and argued about many things every now and then, but they always found a way to make things up whenever they faced one another - looking in each other's eyes, at this very table. There were always jokes and laughters surrounding the atmosphere of their dining table whenever they were having dinner together, not even once they were quiet.

"Abang," said Lisa softly, almost whispering.

"Yes, sayang?"

"Why you're so quiet today?" She looked at her husband unblinking. She knew there was something wrong but assumption was not her game. She wanted to know from him if he were not well.

"How was your work today, sayang?"

"Abang, I think you're not well. You look pale and . . ."

"Had I been a good husband to you?" There was loneliness in his tone and she could feel it. She approached him from the back and embraced him as she answered:

"You needn't ask that, abang. Why, you're the best man I've ever known after my late father," She leaned her head against him until her cheek rubbing his, "and I thank Allah for letting me be the happiest woman by being your wife."

"Thank you," he said weakly.

"Do you still remember," she now sat next to him with his big hands in her small tender hands, "I was a heartbroken girl, fragile to this world and I couldn't believe in any guys because I was betrayed by the one man I used to love? It was you who came to me and opened my heart when you asked for my hands in marriage. And I thank Allah and you for that."

"And do you still remember," she lifted his hands and rubbed her right cheek against them, "every time I was down and stressed by monstrous workloads, it was you who were always there for me whispering supportive and kind words despite your own stress. Your love notes, the beautiful roses, the unexpected gifts - all those made my day. And I thank Allah and you for that."

She smiled softly and said, "Now you have this massive burden loaded on your shoulders, why not share it with me? Didn't Allah promised us that He will not burden us with things we cannot bear? Trust Him and trust me. We'll get through whatever obstacles He tests us with."

Hearing this, he remembered the verse damped with his tears from the Scripture. It says:

"But those who believe and work righteousness, no burden do We place on any soul but that which it can bear..." 

[al-A'raaf, 7:42]

"I'm sorry, sayang. I was being selfish just now. We promised to be honest but I-"

She put her index finger onto his lips. "Hush," she said. "No sorries."

"Okay. I went for a medical check-up today because I had a severe headache. I thought of getting MC for a day or two but I received an unexpected news," he stopped and looked at her tender face, a-waiting with patience.

"The doctor confirmed that I have brain cancer. There are three tumours around my left head. They are still small now, but in a year they will . . . and I may not . . ."

There were tears in her eyes but she was still smiling. She recited two verses from the Holy Quran:

"So, verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief." 

[al-Inshirah, 94:5-6]

He wiped her tears and as much, he wanted to chase away the fear hiding behind her calm, patient eyes. He knew her well - of her fears, of her insecurities. He felt sorry for her more than he felt sorry for himself.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise to grow old with you and watch our kid become a good Muslim, better than any of us. Yet I-"

"Abang, I said no more sorries."

And there was silence.

". . . what if I don't remember you anymore when my cancer gets worse?" he asked solemnly.

"I'll remind you about us, of our memories together - every day!"

". . . what if-"

"We'll get through. Don't worry, abang. We'll get through everything together."

And there was a long silence.

"Thank you, Lisa," he drew his wife closer to his chest and hugged her tight as if he were not letting her go, forever. And he kissed her forehead passionately, "I love you."

"I love you too, abang."

-----o-----

Okay, my dream was not this detailed. I made up many parts of this story to suit my taste and creativity. Which part is originally from my dream, I wouldn't tell. So don't bother to ask,okay? :'P



"O Allah! Grant us with life partner and children who can bring us peace and tranquility, not ones who will cost us our Imaan. And we beseech Thee, o the Almighty Allah! Send Thy assistance to our oppressed brothers in Palestine. Indeed, without Thy help, we are all weak and powerless."

Biar Manis Bicara

Dengan nama Allah yang memiliki Nama-nama yang indah.

Saya rasa, kebanyakan dari kita semua tahu dengan apa yang berlaku kepada konvoi keamanan Flotilla yang sepatutnya dihantar ke Palestin. Ya, mereka diserang oleh gerombolan askar Yahudi Zionist dan 16 orang yang tidak berdosa telah terkorban. Saya percaya ramai yang lebih tahu dan up-to-date berkenaan isu ini dari saya sendiri, jadi bukan niat saya untuk melaporkan tentang apa yang berlaku.

Saya sekadar ingin menyuarakan pendapat.

Membaca komentar-komentar berkenaan isu ini di internet - di laman-laman blog and status rakan-rakan di Facebook, saya sedikit kecewa. Kecewa dengan kata-kata kesat yang dilemparkan kepada Yahudi Zionis yang mencabul hak rakyat Palestin serta undang-undang keamanan antarabangsa secara amnya.


Beza Yahudi dan Israel
Pertama sekali, ada baiknya jika saya menjelaskan sedikit tentang perbezaan antara Yahudi dan Israel. Mungkin ramai yang berkata, "Sama je kan Yahudi dan Israel? Laknatullah juga." tetapi lain pula yang tercatat di dalam al-Quran. Ya, kedua-duanya terdapat di dalam al-Quran tetapi setiap lafaz ditujukan kepada golongan yang berbeza.

Menurut pembacaan dan kajian saya sendiri (maaf, tiada sumber yang dapat sertakan di sini), Bani Israel merujuk kepada keturunan Nabi Ibrahim a.s melalui anak baginda iaitu Nabi Ishak a.s. Kebanyakan mereka imannya tidak kukuh, maka oleh itu Allah telah utuskan ramai para Nabi dan Rasul untuk memimpin mereka kembali kepada Allah. Dan antara nabi dan rasul tersebut ialah Nabi Musa a.s. Ya, Bani Israel inilah yang telah ditindas oleh Firaun sepertimana yang tercatat di dalam al-Quran.

Untuk melepaskan diri dari cengkaman zalim Firaun, Allah telah memerintahkan Nabi Musa a.s. untuk memimpin kaumnya untuk berhijrah ke Kan'an (yang kini dikenali sebagai Palestin). Kan'an pada ketika itu diduduki oleh satu puak yang kuat. Bani Israel yang sememangnya suka mempertikaikan perintah Allah mula mempersoalkan tentang kebarangkalian mereka untuk berjaya mengambil alih Kan'an. Nabi Musa a.s yang marah dengan segolongan besar Bani Israel yang enggan memasuki Kan'an bersama baginda telah mengharamkan mereka ini dari menjejaki Kan'an selama 40 tahun. Mereka inilah yang pada hari ini kita kenali sebagai bangsa Yahudi. Mereka inilah bangsa yang tiada tanahair kerana tidak mahu menuruti perintah Tuhan mereka.

Kenapa Yahudi? Golongan yang diharamkan masuk ke Kan'an ini dikenali sebagai Yahudi kerana mereka ini berasal dari keturunan seorang Bani Israel bernama Yahudha (maaf, jika silap pada ejaan). Beliau adalah salah seorang dari mereka yang enggan menuruti perintah Allah untuk memasuki Kan'an dan juga merupakan salah seorang daripada ketua mereka yang merempat di luar Kan'an.

Jadi, tindakan mereka menduduki Palestin selepas Perang Dunia ke-2 adalah dengan alasan mengambil semula tanah air yang kononnya telah dijanjikan Tuhan.

Negara Israel adalah negara yang tidak sah kerana bangsa Yahudi adalah bangsa tanpa tanahair

(Nota tambahan: Zionis pula merujuk kepada fahaman sebahagian besar puak Yahudi kini yang dengan jelas bertentangan dengan ajaran yang dibawa oleh Nabi Musa a.s. Mereka inilah yang dikatakan akan menjadi pembantu kepada al-Masih ad-Dajjal Laknatullahi 'alaih)


Mengapa Mencela?
Sungguh, seperti yang telah dijelaskan di atas Yahudi sememangnya satu bangsa yang acapkali ingkar perintah Allah Ta'ala. Merekalah bangsa yang telah Allah tukarkan menjadi kera kerana ingkar larangan menangkap ikan pada hari Sabbath (iaitu hari Sabtu, yang merupakan hari suci dan mulia kepada Bani Israel sepertimana hari Jumaat kepada umat Islam dan hari Ahad kepada umat Kristian). Mereka juga bangsa tanahair yang diharamkan memasuki Kan'an. Malahan mereka jugalah bangsa yang banyak membunuh nabi-nabi yang diutuskan dari kalangan mereka sendiri sepertimana nasib yang menimpa Nabi Yahya a.s.

Ya, mereka tidak berperikemanusiaan. Mereka kurang ajar. Lebih teruk lagi, mereka ini ingkar perintah Allah Ta'ala. Tetapi mari kita bertanya kepada diri kita sendiri beberapa soalan ini sebelum kita mahu mula mencela dan mengeluarkan kata nista kepada mereka:

1) Sudahkah kita menjadi hamba yang ta'at kepada Pencipta kita? Atau kita sendiri masih terkial-kial sekadar untuk menjalankan tanggungjawab untuk menjadi seorang Muslim yang ta'at?
2) Sudahkah kita menjadi anak yang ta'at kepada kedua ibubapa kita? Atau kita masih acapkali membuatkan mereka menitis airmata?
3) Sudahkah kita menunaikan tanggungjawab kita kepada saudara seagama kita - para sahabat dan jiran tetangga kita? Atau kita masih dibuai arus materialistik dunia?
4) Sudahkah kita mensucikan hati dengan mempraktikkan sifat mahmudah? Atau kita masih lagi dikuasai hati yang kotor dinaungi sifat mazmumah?

Luangkan seminit untuk menjawab persoalan-persoalan ini kepada diri sendiri. Hitung kelemahan diri dan muhasabah setakat mana kita telah menjadi Muslim yang baik sebagaimana yang dituntut Allah dan diajarkan melalui Rasulullah s.a.w.

Bagaimana?

Secara peribadi, saya akui saya masih lagi bukan seorang contoh Muslim yang baik (walaupun keinginan dan usaha untuk baiki itu ada). Dan atas sebab itu, saya merasakan yang saya tiada hak untuk mengutuk mana-mana makhluk Allah yang lain Sebagai seorang Muslim, kita ada hak kepada Allah, kepada sesama makhluk dan hak kepada alam sekitar kita yang perlu dipenuhi. Dan Islam mengajar kita untuk menghormati sesama makhluk Allah dan tidak menyakiti antara satu sama lain - inilah hak sesama manusia yang perlu kita penuhi, walaupun mereka tidak beragama Islam. Mari lihat hadith di bawah:

Dari Ibnu Abu Laila bahwa ketika Qais bin Saad r.a. dan Sahal bin Hunaif r.a. sedang berada di Qadisiyah, tiba-tiba ada iringan jenazah melewati mereka, maka kedua berdiri. Lalu dikatakan kepada keduanya: "Jenazah ini adalah termasuk dari penduduk tempatan (orang kafir)." Mereka berdua berkata: Sesungguhnya Rasulullah s.a.w. pernah dilewati iringan jenazah, lalu beliau berdiri. Ketika dikatakan: Jenazah itu Yahudi, 

Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda: "Bukahkah ia juga manusia?"

[Riwayat Muslim]

Benar, tujuan asal hadith ini adalah untuk mengingatkan kita tentang kematian tetapi pada masa yang sama, Rasulullah s.a.w. sedang mengajar kita untuk menghormati sesama makhluk Allah. Sedangkan Rasulullah sendiri menghormati jenazah orang Yahudi, lalu apa hak kita untuk mengutuk, melaknat dan mencerca dengan kata nista kepada bangsa Yahudi yang sedang hidup melata di bumi Allah?

Bukan tidak boleh membenci, tetapi biar betul caranya. Islam mengajar kita membenci perbuatan yang mengingkari perintah Allah Ta'ala, bukan membenci makhluk ciptaanNya. Sesama insan, biarlah kita manis berbicara dan lemah-lembut serta berpekerti dalam tindakan, walau kita dilayan dengan buruk sekalipun. Saya sangat menyanjungi dan mengkagumi tindakan seorang sukarelawan keamanan beragama Islam yang telah merawat seorang tentera Yahudi Zionis yang cedera (sepertimana yang ada dilaporkan dalam sebuah media elektronik) walaupun telah nyata tindakan tentera-tentera Zionis telah menzalimi mereka.

Bagi saya, inilah contoh pekerti dan akhlak yang patut dipamerkan oleh setiap Muslim - sentiasa berakhlak mulia walau ditindas sekalipun.



Tindakan Kita
Usahlah kita membazir masa dan tenaga kita dengan mencerca Yahudi Zionis. Pada pendapat saya, banyak lagi perkara yang lebih berfaedah boleh kita lakukan, contohnya:

1) Berdoalah di setiap solat dan waktu yang terluang, memohon bantuan Allah kepada saudara seagama kita yang ditindas di seluruh dunia terutamanya di Palestin dan Gaza.
2) Sebarkan maklumat tentang kekejaman tentera Zionis Yahudi melalui medium yang kita mampu seperti blog dan Facebook dengan intonasi informatif, bukan menghasut dan dipenuhi emosi.
3) Menyertai demonstrasi aman atau menandatangani petisyen menentang tindakan zalim Yahudi.
4) Sumbangkan bantuan dalam bentuk tenaga atau dana kewangan kepada saudara seagama kita.
5) Memboikot produk-produk Yahudi yang diyakini menyumbang kepada penindasan saudara seagama kita.

Ada banyak lagi cara lain yang boleh kita lakukan untuk menyalurkan bantuan kepada saudara seagama kita yang tertindas di serata dunia yang tidak saya sertakan di sini.

Banyak pilihan kita ada untuk membantu mereka. :')

They say, "every little act of kindness can make a difference." Jadi, marilah mulakan usaha kita membantu rakyat Palestin dan menentang kekejaman Yahudi dengan menandatangani petisyen ini [klik untuk link].


Saya sudah tandatangani petisyen ini. Anda pula bagaimana?



"Ya Allah, ya Tuhan kami! Tuhan Muhammad, dan Tuhan Musa - Engkau Maha Mendengar dan Maha Berkuasa ke atas setiap sesuatu. Hantarkanlah bantuanMu dalam bentuk yang tidak disangka-sangka kepada saudara-saudara seagama kami yang sedang ditindas di serata dunia, sepertimana Engkau pernah menghantar kumpulan beburung Abaabil untuk menghancurkan tentera Abrahah dan bantuan angin mengaburi pandangan tentera musyrik di peperangan Badar. Sungguh, hanya kepada Engkaulah tempat kami mengadu nasib dan bermohon pertolongan. TanpaMu kami ini lemah, ya Allah!"

Book Review: 1

In the name of Allah, Most Knowledgeable.

I have this urge to write but my mind is in a state which it cannot think too critically because at the moment, I am reading quite a heavy book entitled "The Bible, the Qur'an and Science" by Maurice Bucaille. But this is not the book I will write a review about.

I will write about a book worth reading, which I have finished reading about a month ago.

-----o-----

Title: The Power of Healthy Thinking to Change Your Attitude and Your Life
Author: Dr Tom Mulholland (NZ TV's Attitude Doctor)
Pages: 160
Publisher: Reed Publishing (NZ) Ltd.
Website: www.theattitudedoctor.com

This book is awesome. Try and read it!

. . . okay. That is not how a book review should be written, no? Ahaha. Now, let me be a bit serious. Yes, just a bit serious.


This book is Dr. Mulholland's second book after his first popular piece Healthy Thinking: Turning Life's Lemons into Lemonade. This is not a continuation from the first book, hence it can be read as a separate piece of reading.

Ask yourself these questions: Do you often feel stressed, angry and frustrated in your daily life? If you answer "yes" or "maybe", well, this one book is my recommended piece of reading for you. Even if you answer "no", I will still recommend this for your reading collection.

Simply because:

This book was written in simple English and can be easily understood. Why people generally like gossips? Because they like to stick their noses into other people's affairs and to know other people's "stories". Yes, other people's stories are THAT interesting, that is why Dr. Mulholland wrote this book from his point of view based from his own experience in order to help his readers eliminate all the aforementioned negative emotions (and some others) simply by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Yes, it is the power of attitude!

To enable him doing that, Dr. Mulholland first identified 10 different types of "thinkers" in Chapter 2. These types of thinkers such as The Judge, The Fortune Teller and The Generaliser, are what caused us to think negatively. In other words, they are the "bad attitudes" (this is my own phrase. Ehehe). For each negative thinkers, Dr. Mulhollad introduced a positive thinker to replace the negative one, such as The Rationalist to replace The Distorter. Personally, it was surprising that I myself have a number of these "bad attitudes" and thanks to Dr. Mulholland, I'm trying to change them.

While reading through, Dr. Mulholland will introduce his tool to change attitude which he called the Emotional Algebra. Sounds interesting enough? It was interesting for me, though.

What is emotion? According to Dr. Mulhollad, emotion is caused by thoughts plus trigger(s). Therefore, to be able to think positively,

Thought + Trigger = Emotion,

hence

Emotion - Trigger = Thought

Interesting, isn't it? Then, the author will show how to apply this Emotional Algebra in one's daily life by relating the equation to the identified thinkers revealed earlier. Well, there are a number of other equations (I think there two more!) but I won't give any more spoilers. Enough said.

If you think this book is interesting, then get one! Yes, I do not receive any royalty or payment for recommending this book. Simply because, I think this one is really, a good read. So yes, happy reading! :')



*monologue to myself*
Go Chouji! You need to use the Emotional Algebra to snap out of whatever negative thoughts you are having in your head at the moment. Allah does not help those who only pray without first try to help themselves, now, remember?








"O Allah! To You belong all wisdom and You are the Most Knowledgeable. Bless us with sharp mind to seek the truth and clear our chests from any difficulties to receive knowledge. Ameen."

Kisah Cinta Pertama

Dengan nama Allah, Cintaku yang paling utama.

[Note: For this entry, I will use both Bahasa Melayu and English interchangeably.]

Baru semalam saya terbaca entri menarik seorang rakan (yang juga merupakan junior se-apartment yang selalu kami "buli". Ehehe), tentang "kisah chenta pertama" beliau [klik sini untuk baca]. It was hilarious, mind you, and made me feel like sharing my own "kisah chenta pertama".

They say, your past actions and experience made the you today. And also, a man remembers most his first love. Is it true? Well, I wouldn't say "NO" though because to a certain extent, I experientally agree.

***

If my mind serves me right, the first time I really fell in love was when I was in Form 3. There was this new girl who had just transferred to our school just months before PMR. Let's call her M. I believe the first thing about girls that attract most guys are their outward appearances. Beautiful eyes, fair skin, voluptuous lips - all these. Call me a weirdo but I got attracted to a girl's name before I "analyse" their physique and appearance. And M's name was somewhat peculiar to everyone's ears but having learnt Arabic myself, I thought her name was beautiful. After having seen her for the first time, I think I went head over heels for her. But unfortunately, I was too shy for my own good.

Before we started Form 4, I always dreamt to be in the same class with M. I guess I was lucky. I was in the same class with her. But goodness, I was too shy and I took one whole year to make my real move: I sent her a kad raya end of that year.

We had some Physics extra classes during year-end school break with Cikgu Marhalim because we did not finish our syllabus. I said I was shy, remember? So I always tried to avoid her. However there was once, after one of the classes, she was able to "corner" me and asked why I sent her the card. Guess what answer I gave her? Yes, a stupid excuse: "Because I had an extra card, and I somehow had your house address." I guess she saw through my answer and knew that I like her. We became friends. To think again, I think I was her first (and perhaps the only) male friend she had in school.

Tempat bertemunya "chenta pertama" :'P

The whole year of Form 5 was marvellous. We exchanged letters which we placed under each other's table. I went home late everyday and that was when I placed my letter. She came to school earliest everyday, that was when she placed hers. Every two or three days, my friends would see me grinning contentedly to myself like kerang busuk. Because I received her letter.

There was none who knew about our "friendship" but very few - her best friend and my best friend. The exchanging of letters went on for the whole year. I still remember when I confessed to her that I like her in one of the letters. She asked for confirmation whether or not I was serious and bukan main-main. I guess I was more of a coward than a wallflower back then when I took back my words and said, "Ha'ah, main-main je."

And so we finished school and led our life on different paths. I went to KMPk. She went to KMPP. Even so, we were still in touch. While in KMPk, I learnt a lot of "new things" and most of the time, I forgot to keep in touch with her. It was M who always texted and sometimes called me. I guess it meant something - in other words, she was trying to tell me something which I still couldn't understand at that time.

Having spent a year in KMPk, I realised the harsh truth about science - it requires more and more calculation skills as you dig deeper into it. Lacking talent and ability in calculation, enthusiasm alone was not able to push me forward in the field. And so I chose to enrol for TESL course (since I found that I was more able in the language field than in calculation). I told her that and she applied for the course too. I guess that should mean something, right? But being a late-bloomer I was, I was too blind to see that.

Perhaps Allah has destined me to become a teacher: I was accepted for TESL enrolment and I came to IPBA. M was not selected for the enrolment and she had to further her study in college. Out of sight, out of mind. So they said. Perhaps it's true in some ways because the number of texts between us became lesser and lesser every month. I still liked her at that time but I was just too afraid of commitment in a relationship. And I never confessed.

Titik permulaan baru :'P

Another one and a half year passed when I was in IPBA (that sums up to about five years since I knew her), and only then I felt like I had gathered enough courage to confess again. One night, just few days before my final exam during foundation year, I texted her. We had the casual chit-chat and updates about each other. A quarter to midnight, I dared myself to ask her this question:

"Awak single lagi?"

I waited until midnight but there was no reply. I felt guilty of asking the question and I apologised if the question was somewhat offensive to her. Another quarter of an hour passed and still there was no reply. I gave up hope of receiving any reply and focused on my study. To my surprise, I received a text at half past midnight:

"Awak, maaf tau reply lambat. Tadi ada orang call saya. Orang penting."

Or something along the line. I forgot how she wrote in the message but it was a suggestive text. To tell me that she was taken. It took me the whole ten minutes just to reply:

"It's okay, friend. Good night."

***

Okay, that should be all. Bukan hendak menimbulkan tentang perkara silam, sekadar mahu berkongsi pengalaman. Bagi saya, banyak yang saya pelajari dari pengalaman sendiri. They are:

1) A man has to be brave to let the girl he likes know about his feelings. But of course, ikutlah saranan syarak.
2) Be responsible for what you said. Never take back what you said if it was really what you meant.
3) Do not easily let go things of value to you.

And many other lessons if you were to reflect on it from different perspectives.


Most people often say they want to just forget about their "dark past". Well I don't agree with that. Mind you, things happen for reasons and if you reflect much on them, you will learn a wisdom or two.

So, my friends. Forgive unwanted things from your "dark past" and learn to let go, but remember. When I said remember, I did not mean untuk ungkit-mengungkit. Remember, so that you don't repeat the same mistakes again. If you can do that, I can assure you my friend, that you have become wiser than the you from yesterday.



"Ya Allah! Bukakanlah pintu hati kami untuk memahami pengajaran di sebalik perkara-perkara yang telah Engkau aturkan dalam hidup kami, mudah-mudahan kami beroleh kebijaksanaan dan menjadi hamba-hambaMu yang syukur dan dekat denganMu."

The Questions

In the name of Allah, Owner of my Heart.

Oft-times when I sit alone,

many things

spin in my head.

My head and heart

are caught in

this turmoil of emotion.

Oft-times when I sat alone,

I wonder:

Have I been an obedient servant

to the Almighty Allah?

Every time,

yes, every time

I sunk my head to the floor

prostrating to the One God,

I wish I could force my eyes

to excrete pure droplets

of real love and fear.

But I guess,

that won't happen

yet

if I

haven't tried hard

enough

to remain steadfast

in purifying my own heart.

Oft-times when I sit alone,

I wonder:

How do people

(who know me)

view me?

Every time,

yes, every time

my beloved

family members

and friends

seek me for helps and advices,

I wouldn't turn them down.

But sometimes,

I just forgotten that

the one needing

helps and advices

the most

is my own self.

Am I living my life

as what Islam has outlined for me?

Have I done things right

following my own principles?

Had I been a good person

to everyone?

Perhaps,

to say this

I'm not too sure myself.

But perhaps.

The answers

are least important.

What more important

is the questions

that kept you

moving forward,

always.

"O Allah! My tongue is tied tight, I know not what to say. The heart is rumbling, I fear it of sins. Thou knoweth best what is in mine heart -- so I beseech Thee, O my Lord! -- keep me on this Straight Path Thou hath let me found, and keep this feelings I have felt in this heart Thou owns'd."