Saturday, February 5, 2011

Big Questions

In the name of Allah who Knows everything, and anything.

I know I promised this blog to be a site where I share intellectual, if not spiritual knowledge and opinions. But I recently, for some times now, had been intellectually and spiritually incapable to write anything beneficial and inspirational to dear readers out there who by any chance, stumbled onto this site.

But please, for this one time, allow me to write something selfish and un-intellectual here. In other words, please let me rant here.

I have some big questions in my head for some times now. Okay, maybe not *that* big, but they have been bugging me for some times now. They may be rhetoric, requiring no answers at all, but who cares?

1) You want something real bad. You strive your hardest like you never did before despite the many challenges and obstacles which normally has worn out your spirit, just for the sake of achieving that goal and get what you want. With every passing day, you put more and more efforts than the day before. Then, can you help yourself not to grow to love that thing?

2) You march forward courageously. Came big walls and barriers, you forced yourself through. Came humongous waves and tsunamis, you braced yourself and swam through. Every now and then, you fall. You fall hard, knocking down your composure and self-esteem. You fall hard, shaking off the very foundation of your spiritual, mental and intellectual resources. You were taught that those who quickly got back up to their feet are strong, those who wallow in self-pity and tears are weak and wussy. Can you not, when you are worn out to your core, remain there on the floor wallowing in your self-pity and sweat, if not tears, just for a while more?

3) You know that you cannot control the past nor the future. You only have your present at your command, depending on what is your decision and action. You know that well, very well. But at some point, you are forced to look back at the past with raging remorse over things you cannot change. You are told that they are nothing but the past, but you are being kept reminded over and over again about that past. The same with the future. You know you have no power over it except that you may plan a bit ahead. But at some point, you are forced to reach out into the future with haste over things you are still uncertain. You are told that they are unreachable future, but you are being kept pressured over and over again to quickly reach that point in future. How can you appreciate and control your present when you are being kept reminded too much about the untouchable past and being made concerned too much about the unreachable future?

There, enough of my rantings for now.

At the moment, I'm worn out to the core. I need to recuperate and recover both my spiritual and intellectual resources so that I will be able to share beneficial and inspirational thoughts, ideas and knowledge again, insyaAllah. For that reason, I need to isolate myself for awhile. Please pray that I will recover real soon. Thank you, may Allah bless you too. :')