Love Story for Book Lovers

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious.

I could not sleep last night and the heart was not at ease. As a result, I wrote this short story. Why don't you try reading and let me know what you feel about it? :D

DEAR DIARY

"A first book has some of the sweetness of a first love."

–Robert Aris Willmott

Dear diary,

Do you know what I hate the most? A big crowd.

No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate people. I love talking to friends; having casual chitchat with colleagues or talk about life with my best friends. But I hate – if hate is too strong a word, then I guess, I should replace it with ‘dislike’ – yes, I really dislike a big group of people. Whenever I find myself in the midst of a crowd, my breathing intensifies and my heart pounds faster and my vision seems to narrow and as I begin to sweat, I can practically hear everything! Yes, everything.

As you may now know, big crowds make me feel anxious and my only escapism is reading. And writing – to you.

***

It was December 5^th afternoon. The day was fine just like any other day – the high sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky while soft breeze pecked softly on my cheeks. Fresh air filled my lungs and I felt refreshed and exhilarated, until I had to walk through a big crowd gathering in the square. I took a deep breath as I quickened my pace. I began to breathe heavily and I was soaking in sweat; my hearing often became more sensitive in this situation. I could hear people talking about soccer match last night, people talking about where to eat their luncheon, couples whispering to one another how much they love each other. And all I wanted was to get out of there. Find the bookstore where I could bury myself between the shelves, away from this maddening crowd.

Dear diary,

            Can you believe what happened today? After I escaped the crowd’s clutches, I found myself entering my safe haven. You know, the Safe Haven, my favourite book store? Yes, I went there. It was a little weird when I was greeted by another person instead of Mr. Kinsley, the store owner. The new assistant, she is a girl wearing a pair of spectacles. Affable and kind too. Since I was the only customer at that time, she followed me everywhere I went while offering me the assistance I didn’t need – you know me, diary; I never needed any help in bookstores. I prefer to take my own sweet time browsing through the books, no rush.

             

         So I politely dismissed the girl and she smiled at me as she left. It was the most brilliant smile I’ve seen today. Honestly, I lost track of time whenever I have books in my hand, though I noticed the girl came to check on me every once in a while – if I needed her assistance, that is. It was finally the time for me to leave. I took the books I wanted to buy to the check-out counter and watched the girl scanned the barcodes on each book.

             

              “That’s $41.”

             

             I took out my wallet. As I was about to hand over the cash, I realised that I was $1 short. I checked my coins but there wasn’t enough.

             

            “Guess I have to cancel my purchase. I don’t bring enough cash, $1 short. Sorry to trouble you after checking out these books...”

            

             The girl reached out for sling bag near the counter, took out her purse and handed $1 bill to me.

             

            “Here.”

            

             “I-I’m sorry?”

             

            “Take it, Liam. It’s the $1 you lent me a decade ago.”

***

Dear diary,

Have I told you how I began to love books?

When I was 14, I used to go to our state library because it was just a stone’s throw away from my parents’ house. No, I didn’t go there to read nor did I borrow any book. In fact, I never borrowed a book. I frequented the place because of its quiet and relaxed ambience – a perfect place to sleep for someone who hates big crowd like me! Yet mom always thought I went to the library to do revision with friends. Hush, now, diary. This is our secret.

Books were the perfect sleeping draught for me. I open one, read a few lines and I’ve confirmed my ticket to lala-land. But what happened that fateful day had changed everything.

Yes, everything.

I went to the library as usual and slept one long hour there. I woke up, feeling refreshed, and was ready to return home. I walked slowly by the circulation counter where people borrow and return books loaned to them. I usually slipped by the front door unnoticed but a voice stopped me on my track. A voice so sweet I had to turn around and see which angel it belongs to.

“Can I please borrow these books?” the voice belonged to a little girl in green long skirt. The librarian took the girl’s library card and scanned it. There were wrinkles around her brows when she looked at the computer screen but she forced a smile at the little girl,

“I’m sorry but I cannot check out these books for you.”

“Why?”

“It seems that you have $1 fine on your card. Unless you pay the fine, I cannot check out these books for you.”

The girl remained silent for a few moments before she asked innocently, “Can I pay the fine tomorrow? I don’t bring any money today.” But the librarian shook her head and dismissed her polite request. The girl looked devastated and tears started to well up in her eyes. I could see how much she wanted to borrow those books, so I fished in my front pocket for one dollar bill as I approached the counter. I placed the $1 note next to the books,

“Excuse me, ma’am. This is to pay her fine. Can she borrow these books now?”

The librarian looked at me, shifted her eyes to the $1 note and then to the little girl. She nodded, took the money and scanned the books. The girl was beaming with the most brilliant smile I have ever seen. I could feel blood rushing to my face and my cheeks started to get red.

You see, diary, I am shy around the opposite gender – especially the cute type. So I quickly escaped the scene so that nobody could see me blushing. I wanted to go home but the same sweet voice stopped me in my track, again.

“Hey!”

Diary, you know how nervous I get around girls. As I heard her voice, I quickened my pace hoping to lose her but she was persistent. She tried to catch up to me, walking briskly, with the books she borrowed in her arms.

“Hey! Wait for me!”

The louder she called for me, the faster I walked. And faster. Much faster.

THUD!

“Ouch!”

I stopped. I turned around. I saw the girl lying flat on the ground, her books scattered around her. I ran towards her, helping her to get back on her feet.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Thanks a heap!”

My face was red.

“Urm...welcome?”

“Tasha.”

“Huh?”

That brilliant smile again. “Tasha. That’s my name. What’s your name?”

“My...name?”

“Yep.”

“Call me Liam.”

Tasha and I, we became close friends after that. We often went to the library together. She loved to describe the books she had finished reading, always telling me to start reading them too. So diary, that’s how I began to view books differently.

***

“Are you...Tasha?”

“You didn’t recognise me? Don’t tell me I look fat now,” said Tasha jokingly. I shook my head and explained that seeing her in the bookstore I visit three times a week is the last thing I could think of because I had never seen her in the bookstore before. After all, it was a decade ago when I last saw her in the library after her family had to move following her father’s redeployment.

“I’m so glad I meet you today,” I confessed. My heart rate increased, my forehead began to sweat.

“Same here,” she smiled. “Uh-oh, can’t chitchat with you now. Boss is back from his errand. How about we go out this weekend?”

My heart skipped a beat. Tasha beat me to asking her out this weekend.

“S-sure. I’ll see you soon.”

I approached the entrance, ready to leave.

“Liam?”

“Y-yes?”

“Don’t forget to call me tonight,” she winked, then continued her work as if nothing happened. I walked past the entrance and my heart almost exploded with joy.

***

Dear diary,

            I am such a fool. How am I supposed to call a girl when I don’t even have her number? *sigh*

P/S: Don't worry, diary. Everything's under control. Tasha left her number at the back of the receipt. Now I'm going to call her. Good night, diary.

So. How was this short story? Kindly leave your thoughts and comments. I really appreciate it. :D

Kisah Cinta Pertama

Dengan nama Allah, Cintaku yang paling utama.

[Note: For this entry, I will use both Bahasa Melayu and English interchangeably.]

Baru semalam saya terbaca entri menarik seorang rakan (yang juga merupakan junior se-apartment yang selalu kami "buli". Ehehe), tentang "kisah chenta pertama" beliau [klik sini untuk baca]. It was hilarious, mind you, and made me feel like sharing my own "kisah chenta pertama".

They say, your past actions and experience made the you today. And also, a man remembers most his first love. Is it true? Well, I wouldn't say "NO" though because to a certain extent, I experientally agree.

***

If my mind serves me right, the first time I really fell in love was when I was in Form 3. There was this new girl who had just transferred to our school just months before PMR. Let's call her M. I believe the first thing about girls that attract most guys are their outward appearances. Beautiful eyes, fair skin, voluptuous lips - all these. Call me a weirdo but I got attracted to a girl's name before I "analyse" their physique and appearance. And M's name was somewhat peculiar to everyone's ears but having learnt Arabic myself, I thought her name was beautiful. After having seen her for the first time, I think I went head over heels for her. But unfortunately, I was too shy for my own good.

Before we started Form 4, I always dreamt to be in the same class with M. I guess I was lucky. I was in the same class with her. But goodness, I was too shy and I took one whole year to make my real move: I sent her a kad raya end of that year.

We had some Physics extra classes during year-end school break with Cikgu Marhalim because we did not finish our syllabus. I said I was shy, remember? So I always tried to avoid her. However there was once, after one of the classes, she was able to "corner" me and asked why I sent her the card. Guess what answer I gave her? Yes, a stupid excuse: "Because I had an extra card, and I somehow had your house address." I guess she saw through my answer and knew that I like her. We became friends. To think again, I think I was her first (and perhaps the only) male friend she had in school.

Tempat bertemunya "chenta pertama" :'P

The whole year of Form 5 was marvellous. We exchanged letters which we placed under each other's table. I went home late everyday and that was when I placed my letter. She came to school earliest everyday, that was when she placed hers. Every two or three days, my friends would see me grinning contentedly to myself like kerang busuk. Because I received her letter.

There was none who knew about our "friendship" but very few - her best friend and my best friend. The exchanging of letters went on for the whole year. I still remember when I confessed to her that I like her in one of the letters. She asked for confirmation whether or not I was serious and bukan main-main. I guess I was more of a coward than a wallflower back then when I took back my words and said, "Ha'ah, main-main je."

And so we finished school and led our life on different paths. I went to KMPk. She went to KMPP. Even so, we were still in touch. While in KMPk, I learnt a lot of "new things" and most of the time, I forgot to keep in touch with her. It was M who always texted and sometimes called me. I guess it meant something - in other words, she was trying to tell me something which I still couldn't understand at that time.

Having spent a year in KMPk, I realised the harsh truth about science - it requires more and more calculation skills as you dig deeper into it. Lacking talent and ability in calculation, enthusiasm alone was not able to push me forward in the field. And so I chose to enrol for TESL course (since I found that I was more able in the language field than in calculation). I told her that and she applied for the course too. I guess that should mean something, right? But being a late-bloomer I was, I was too blind to see that.

Perhaps Allah has destined me to become a teacher: I was accepted for TESL enrolment and I came to IPBA. M was not selected for the enrolment and she had to further her study in college. Out of sight, out of mind. So they said. Perhaps it's true in some ways because the number of texts between us became lesser and lesser every month. I still liked her at that time but I was just too afraid of commitment in a relationship. And I never confessed.

Titik permulaan baru :'P

Another one and a half year passed when I was in IPBA (that sums up to about five years since I knew her), and only then I felt like I had gathered enough courage to confess again. One night, just few days before my final exam during foundation year, I texted her. We had the casual chit-chat and updates about each other. A quarter to midnight, I dared myself to ask her this question:

"Awak single lagi?"

I waited until midnight but there was no reply. I felt guilty of asking the question and I apologised if the question was somewhat offensive to her. Another quarter of an hour passed and still there was no reply. I gave up hope of receiving any reply and focused on my study. To my surprise, I received a text at half past midnight:

"Awak, maaf tau reply lambat. Tadi ada orang call saya. Orang penting."

Or something along the line. I forgot how she wrote in the message but it was a suggestive text. To tell me that she was taken. It took me the whole ten minutes just to reply:

"It's okay, friend. Good night."

***

Okay, that should be all. Bukan hendak menimbulkan tentang perkara silam, sekadar mahu berkongsi pengalaman. Bagi saya, banyak yang saya pelajari dari pengalaman sendiri. They are:

1) A man has to be brave to let the girl he likes know about his feelings. But of course, ikutlah saranan syarak.
2) Be responsible for what you said. Never take back what you said if it was really what you meant.
3) Do not easily let go things of value to you.

And many other lessons if you were to reflect on it from different perspectives.


Most people often say they want to just forget about their "dark past". Well I don't agree with that. Mind you, things happen for reasons and if you reflect much on them, you will learn a wisdom or two.

So, my friends. Forgive unwanted things from your "dark past" and learn to let go, but remember. When I said remember, I did not mean untuk ungkit-mengungkit. Remember, so that you don't repeat the same mistakes again. If you can do that, I can assure you my friend, that you have become wiser than the you from yesterday.



"Ya Allah! Bukakanlah pintu hati kami untuk memahami pengajaran di sebalik perkara-perkara yang telah Engkau aturkan dalam hidup kami, mudah-mudahan kami beroleh kebijaksanaan dan menjadi hamba-hambaMu yang syukur dan dekat denganMu."