If Only You Could See Me Now

In the name of Allah, the Eternal.

I was napping just now when I saw her in my dream again.

Even though a bit blurry and just for a short while this time.


It was not even a week ago when I dreamt about her -- in that dream, I believed that she was still walking on the face of this earth, warm and alive.

That dream was more like a recollection of memories I had with her. And about her.


Perhaps there is still a part of me that still cannot accept her eternal absence and still wishing to see her.

Well, who doesn't?

When you haven't seen a person for two years and you will not be able to see her ever again. And she was the most important person, the most beloved woman in your life, a real teacher whose back you have been looking at from when you still could not remember anything but her warmth and compassion.


"Jangan terkilan sangat," someone with the kindest heart said this to me. The words I really needed at that time. The words that helped me going through the sorrowful days.

"Every soul shall have a taste of death and We test you by evil and by good, by way of trial: And to Us must ye return."

[al-Anbiyaa', 21:35]

The regrets are still here, somewhere deep in my heart. Because there are a lot of things I wanted and want to tell her. And one of the regrets being the fact that she cannot see what I am doing today.

Fatimah Hashim: Forever in my memory, with Love

Dear mom,

If only you could see me now - teaching classes and making lessons fun, touching my students' life while making a difference to it; I wonder what would you say? Will you be proud of me, and not ashamed to say, "That's my son, he..." . . . the way you always did?


Maybe I did not say this too often (and I really regret it that I didn't) but I really and truly love you. And now I am missing you with every passing day.


I pray your soul be kept safe from harms under His Mercy and be placed among those who are near to Him.

"O Allah! In Thy Hand do I put my soul and my everything, for I am weak without You."