When You Are At Your Weakest

Lately, I felt somewhat strange about myself: I became overly sensitive over small matters and sometimes I became a bit too moody, and very very lazy too. Is it the "time of the month"? Aw, c'mon . . . I'm a guy! I don't have that "time of the month".

But really, it feels so strange.

Many recent happenings seemed to tick my patience. Yes, I usually able to remain calm and composed even when I was being downtrodden. But Heaven knows why in the past few days, I wasn't that person. I sulked at people who didn't mean to yell at me, I felt bitter when I wasn't invited to a certain events wherein I'm normally invited, and I even lost my temper over slight changes in my erroneous plans, especially when things didn't go my way.

And I became somewhat very very very lazy too. I procrastinate my works, and all I wanted to do was lay down in bed and do nothing. This really disrupts my Ramdhan resolution for this year. Yes, that is very frustrating. I was struggling to get out of it and that tires me out, physically and mentally.

And last night after coming back from Kay's and had my meal for sahur, I lay down in bed and I remember an advice my favourite ustaz gave me (which I shared in Sha's blog sometimes ago). It is about the Imaan of a man. A man's Imaan is not like that of Rasulullah nor angels which always increases and do not decrease. A man's Imaan fluctuates. There are times when our Imaan increases, and there are times when it decreases. So we should multifold our deeds when our Imaan increases, and remain steadfast to the basic waajib deeds when our Imaan decreases - that is when we feel so low and lazy.

Remembering that, I was smiling as I rolled over under the cold duvet which felt somewhat warmer last night. And I felt asleep. And I had a dream.

In that dream, I was talking to a person. I couldn't see his face, or maybe, I couldn't remember his face. We talked about how I've been feeling lately, which I don't quite remember in details. But I remember clearly the last part of our conversation before I woke up. Guess what he told me? It was this (or something along the line):

The man: When you feel down, have your ever received any good news or anything like that?
Me: You mean?
The man: Something that can cheer you up when you're feeling down.
Me: Urm . . . I think I had. In fact, most of the times.
The man: Weren't you not cheered up?
Me: Not sure.
The man: That's because you were wallowing in self-pity and couldn't see His Signs.
Me: His . . . Signs?
The man: Yes, His Signs. Remember this: Whenever you feel down and there are good tidings brought to you, it is Him trying to reach out to your soul. It is as if He is saying to you, "La takhaf wala tahzan, ya 'abdi. Inna ma'al 'usri yusra" (Do not fear nor be sad, my servant. Verily, with every difficulty comes an ease). So don't be fazed and reach out your hands to Him.

I woke up refreshed, and smiling. Thank you, Allah. :')



When you are at your weakest, do not wallow in self-pity. Get yourself together and climb up to reach His Light. :')


“Allah sufficeth me: There is no god but He, on Him is my trust - He, the Lord of the Throne (of Glory) Supreme.“ (At-Taubah: 129)